Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Randomize
