What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
