The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
