She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I have aggressive nipples.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
