You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
