TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
