They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
