why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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