I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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