you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
