There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
