Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
