She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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