Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
