mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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