You threw up with your ski mask on still.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
well, you know. whores of a feather.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
