would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
