so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
