the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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