I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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