he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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