Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
