i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
