I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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