ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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