I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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