Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
