Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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