They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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