found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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