If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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