Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
