I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
