Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
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