I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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