apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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