I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
