I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
