Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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