Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Randomize
