My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
It's just like the Real World with babies
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
