Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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