Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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