u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
