you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
How does one acquire holy water?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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