unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
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