At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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