I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
