Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
