We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
