Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
