Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
