Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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