I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
