I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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