you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
