I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
