Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
How naked do you want me to be?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
