the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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