Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Your tits are I can't wait for
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
